After the initial three weeks of seeing, dining with and talking to all of the friends I hadn't seen in a year, my life is returning to normal, I am not planning as much with people, and I'm basically spending my time working, vegging out, or thinking about next year. When I think about it, I feel that I am leading a completely unproductive existence--on the other hand, work provides the illusion of actually having accomplished something, and I'm beginning to realize how great it feels just to be home. Every night that I don't go out and overexert myself trying to be social, I feel this amazing sense of satisfaction. I can sit at home. At home. Not in a foreign country.

And that is why I have decided that in two years, I will go back to Europe again. Because this slipping into the predictable and safe, it scares me. It is not how one grows. It is not how one makes a mark upon the world. I can at least attempt, however insignificant I may be in the grand scheme of things, to do something that can bring about change in my time. I can try. I can try to make things count. But I will not get anywhere by sitting at home, thinking about things I could cook and contemplating where to buy the best quality sheets at the cheapest prices. Why am I not filling my time with important, culturally enriching activities? I need to get going again. I need to stop gravitating toward comfort zones, because that's how I get lazy. Two years, that's my goal. To years to get back to Europe and, hopefully, study there for at least another year.

All I need to do is earn scholarships, grants and a few thousand bucks before then. Good luck to me.

In other news, did I mention how lovely zucchini is? No? Well. It's great. Especially sauteed in olive oil and white wine with salt, fresh oregano, marjoram and chili flakes, which is how I cooked it a few nights ago. Seriously, eat this. Plain, or over long pasta with a dusting of parmesan. You won't regret it.

And life, it goes on

Getting adjusted back to the homeland hasn't been as hard as I'd anticipated. I thought I would be a lot more homesick for Germany, but I'm doing pretty well in that regard. I miss the wonderful people I met during my year of European living, but life is progressing at such a rapid pace here that I haven't had time to really process the whole experience, or contemplate longingly all that I now miss. I've been working, sleeping, working, seeing friends, working, and trying to figure out what to do with myself in terms of getting ready to uproot my life yet again. My upcoming move to MN is getting nearer with each passing day, but I haven't yet given it the serious thought it deserves, either.

In other news, I'm preparing myself for some (hopefully) good shows, and eating a lot of curry. New music is finally making its way into my life, and I have to say there's some pretty good stuff coming out right now, especially out of my area. Such a relief to finally listen to something fresh, after a year of listening only to what I'd accumulated on my iPod. I love summer listening.

Another lovely edition of 'What I Did At Work'

-Made base for chocolate ice cream

-Broke a bottle of rosewater and cleaned it up, while an interested touring group looked on through the kitchen window

-Made caramel sauce

-Made ice cream sandwiches

-Packaged ice cream sandwiches

-Measured hazelnuts into one pound bags

My coworkers played 'Pet Sounds' because they know I don't like the Beach Boys. But S made me a killer latte with really pretty art on top, so I can deal.

Now I am ready for dinner and sleep. My days off are coming up! But I actually love my job.

Work

What I did at work today:

-Made two batches of chocolate sorbet mix

-Made lattes

-Made vegan hot fudge (coconut milk instead of cream, it's really good)

-Dipped ice cream cones in chocolate

-Chopped up cookies

-Lifted heavy things

-Washed all of the floor mats

This may not seem like it could take eight hours, but it did.

What was played at work today:

-The Beatles

-Simon and Garfunkle

-Sexton Blake

-Portishead? (Don't know for sure)

-Other stuff that I can't remember, ambient beat techno type stuff, etc.

I love my coworkers, really. They are all so funny, and good conversationalists. We get along well. Feels good to be back.

Back in the USA

Peanutbutter sandwiches, mayo without sugar, Mexican food, barbecues, veggies, soymilk...

Home!

Freaking out

My suitcases are dangerously close to exceeding their weight limits, and I have not packed everything. But somehow, I will achieve this! I am determined. I will not give in to sending another package without a fight. Unfortunately, I have only one day to send one, if I'm going to. Oh, seven shirts that I just washed, please be dry soon.

Six days?

I have six days left in Germany. My room looks like a thrift store threw up in it. Shelves are bare. Wall hangings have been stuffed in suitcases. Electronics litter the floor. Packing up my life continues to be less than cool.

On the plus side, the weather's really beautiful. I'm contemplating going on one last journey, alone, into Düsseldorf, to sit by the Rhine and enjoy a book, and to think about my last days here. I've been lazing around for the last few days, sporadically packing, and I feel that I should really get out there and enjoy the sun and the river; who knows when I'm going to get back here, and the Rhine has been one of the places I've most enjoyed going. I wish I could get in one last trip to Köln, but it's not looking like that's going to happen.

I was in Berlin last week, which was great. Friends and I went out on a lake, had a picnic, frolicked through parks, burst into song on the streets, and shared sentimental togetherness moments in the Mauerpark at midnight. Ten people all expressing their love for each other while sitting in a dark field among a bunch of German hipsters is a one of a kind experience.

I really need to finish packing...scattered post, but I just thought a quick update was in order.